bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
