Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
