That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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