Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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