I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
