just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
