Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
