maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
