I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
