Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My breasts were aching with rage.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
