How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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