Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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