thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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