Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
