totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
