Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
