Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
