Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
