just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
