I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
