its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
