I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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