Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
