update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
