Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
