remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
