Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
