I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
