I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Say something about gay babies.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
