Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
