You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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