i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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