what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
