tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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