You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
