Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
