What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
