Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
