my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
