i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
