I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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