he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
