I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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