I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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