one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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