My sheets look like a crime scene.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
