just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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