Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
