they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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