UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
